cookieFortune

Beautiful things awaits you.
"Do you understand? = Ni dong le ma?"

No, in fact, I don't understand. What kind of beautiful things? And where are they waiting?

Do not be afraid of computers. Be afraid of the lack of them.
"It is right = Dui le"

I swear this is what the cookie told me.

Obstacles can't hold you back.
"That is who = Na shi shei"

How about seatbelts? Will seatbelts still work?

You are generous to an extreme and always think of the other fellow.
"No, it isn't. = Bu dui"

Should be eXTReeeeem! Like a mountain dew commercial.

You will have a long and healthy life.
"Women = xuexi Zhongwen"

...as a woman. No thanks, their shoes are too uncomfortable.

A surprise treat awaits you. (2)
"Good = how"

I've gotten two of these and I'm still waiting for my treat. Unless the cookie is the treat. In which case, not much of a surprise.

You are going to have a new love affair. (2)
"Furniture = ja jew"

...with a piece of furniture. Enjoy.

An empty stomach is not a good political advisor
"Shirt = Chan san"

Good advice. Instead, you should get your political advice from clever t-shirts.

Get off to a new start, come out of your shell. (2)
"She is my friend = Ta shi wode penqyou"

Come on out of your shell. Then, be eaten by a predator.

If you talk, you repeat what you already know, If you listen, you learn.
"She is my friend = Ta shi wode penqyou"

Sometimes, when I talk, I make things up. How does that fit in?

Your first choice is always wisest to follow.
"She is my friend = Ta shi wode penqyou"

Tell that to a lemming.

All your hard work will soon pay off.
"Gift/Present = Li woo"

...and then you will get a gift and/or a present. But not a treat, that's already been covered.

Recognize and deal with reality, no matter how unpleasant it may be.
"Where do you come from? = Ni shi neiguo ren?"

i.e. Your life sucks and there's nothing a cookie can do about it.

You will be successful in business and married life.
"New year = hsin nean"

...but not this year. Next year, maybe.

Your outlook for the future is optimistic.
"Water = Shui"

...unless you drown. In which case, outlook not good. So sayeth the Magic 8 Ball (tm)

If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
"Children = chau hi"

ha. clever. Like a joke in an accounting class.

Business and health matters will improve around you.
"Dog = go"

So, this is really a fortune for my neighbors? And their dog? Hey, it's like that book - "Go, dog, go". That was one of the first books I ever read. Sigh, good times...

In love you could shine as a brilliant star.
"I am looking for the post office = Wo yao zhao youju"

Wait, am I supposed to go into space or the post office? Or maybe I need to build a post office in outer space?

Your principles mean more to you than any money or success.
"Music = in yueh"

Couldn't I have money, success, AND principles? And a record deal? Except I only sing well in the shower and even then it's not all that great.

If you show kindness, you will reap a crop of friends.
"Cat = mou"

That's not how the Children of the Corn did things.

Health and happiness are your destiny.
"Children = chau hi"

that's great. Could I have the money, success, and principles too?

You will always be surrounded by comfort.
"I eat too much today = Wo jintian chi hen duo"

Especially if you eat too much and get stuck in a couch.

Every man is a volume, if you know how to read him.
"Is it right? = Dui le ma?"

I know a few people that are pamphlets.

You will find your solution where you least expect it.

Right next to your car keys and your left sock.

The most we can do is our best!
"Furniture = Ja jew"

Seems like a lot of pressure. And why must I learn how to say furniture?